Thursday, February 3, 2011

Been a long time but now im in Adelaide

I have been a bit lazy over last few months, and also been having an unreal time so hadn't had much to complain about, Cambodia was awesome, Vietnam was awesome, Laos was awesome, etc etc.. Down Under now, Perth was awesome, so was Melbourne, but now i've reached the shithole that is called Adelaide and I feel my views must be told..

  1. I actually cannot say one good thing about this place, hostel is full of Nazi Hitler loving boring cunts, stop speaking your rotten language in my presence. 
  2. The highlight of Adelaide is supposed to be Port Adelaide, again a shithole with nothing to do, highlight of my trip to Port Adelaide was getting a sandwich and having a stand off with some seagulls. Most Boring place on earth.
  3. I dont even have that many bad points on Adelaide, its just a shit, full of big black abo's, who are the closest thing to the missing link that ive seen, and all in all its shit with nothing to do.
  4. Saturday evening, 7pm, try find a fuking off licence in this kip.. I walked to woolworths, the supermarket, fuking closed.. so in my persistence to have a drink i decided to have a walk around, in the centre of the city may i add.. i was still looking for an offo an hour fucking later. Some of the things which i managed to find and see on my walk, to name but a few were, Adelaide General Hospital (which location may come in use), Adelaide University, a castle, a christian scientific church whatever the fuck that is, a man that looks like Cillian Murphy, and Stephen Hawkin (well if it wasnt him it was his twin brother, drooling like a Great Dane so he was). How i came to stumble upon all these things before an off licence is beyond me.. Sort it out..
Time to make like a tampon and get out of this bloody hole.. FUCK YOU ADELAIDE the world would be a better place if an A Bomb was dropped here..

Monday, October 25, 2010

Thai Islands Part 1

Koh Tao

  1. Hmmmmm well it can definitely be said that taxi drivers here are not going to be taking the comedy world stage by storm anytime fuking soon, they have sense of humours drier than Dario's ongoing patch with the laydeees, which is saying something. Fair enough i may have called them Ladyboys, but i do think they're reaction was a bit over the top, resulting in me getting 6 stitches to the head.
  2. Actual Ladyboys (not taxi drivers) ripping my top off in a nightclub. Drunken and defenseless. Can hardly be called a highlight of the trip. Least I got out of there in one piece and my pride still slightly intact. Very slightly.
  3. Sink was blocked in our room, instead of unblocking it, the pricks just removed the whole pipe, so everytime ya brushed your teeth ya may as well just spat everything onto your feet. What the fuck?
Koh Phagnan
  1. Fell asleep in a jungle, got at least 2 million ant bites. Wasn't happy about that, probably more my fault than the islands but its still going in.
  2. When i did wake up after my night in the jungle, i got a taxi with my last 100baht, as I didn't know where i was staying i asked the driver to bring me to the port, little did i know there were 2 ports, one on either side of the island. Prick brought me to the wrong side, an hours drive in the wrong direction. Now again, its not entirely the islands fault, but he should have at least told me there were two ports. Dickhead.
  3. Starting to think Thai builders are actual retards. When they put up a shower where the shower head cant be rotated ya think they'd put it at an angle that your actually able to shower in. 
  4. Ger soaked my bed on the first night, (which the prick still denies) so i had to sleep with now blankets or anything for 3 nights, refused room service for 3 days in case they thought i pissed the bed or something. 
Koh Samui
  1. Finally got a kebab over here, and it was a load of bollix, don't know how some1 can make a balls of a kebab but this greasy Turkish fucker did. Zaytoon need to get the fuck out here and pronto.
  2. More Algerian pricks selling suits, 1- I am not your "mate" and 2. I'm not australian so stop putting on a shit aussie accent when trying to be my "mate."
  3. I can only assume when they developed Koh Samui as a town that they did know of a little thing called rain. Its a wonder then why they built a town that everytime it fuking rains heavily, all the electricity goes. Sort that shit out. 
  4. Again it can only be assume that the pricks did know it would rain at some stage, (having a rain season and all) you think they would have built buildings that were a bit more waterproof. came home from night out, it had rained a bit, the whole hotel room was drenched. Floor was wetter than a nurses pussy in coppers. Disaster of a place.
  5. Develop a proper sewerage system, whole street constantly smelled of shit, mainly because the drains in the road are open to the surface way too much. 
  6. I think Thai people and fitting showers is a disaster in its own right, if they want to make it look fancy and have a little indent in the floor where the shower is, at least have a gradual slope so the water goes down the fuking drain. Instead the water just stayed there, became stale over time and stank. 

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Hong Kong and Bangkok

Hong Kong
  1. Every corner of every street has at least 3 Algerian pricks offering you a top quality "Armani" suit, "Rolex" watches, or "anything else you need." I need you to "fuck off and and leave me alone"
  2. I'm still at loss how the building we stayed in hasn't burned to the ground. The whole thing was a fire hazzard, exposed wires everywhere, its only a matter of time before it burns to the ground and burns every Algerian fucker who lives there at the same time. 
  3. Everything is generally a rip off.
  4. The Guinness tastes like old mans fart and costs €6 a pint.
  1. My main problem with Bangkok was that i could not find a chicken kebab anywhere after a heavy night on the sauce. There were plenty of food places open outside our hotel, not 1 place sold kebabs. Ya'd think a few of those Algerian fuckers in Hong Kong would see this niche in the market and make their way over. All I wanted was a fucking kebab.
  2. It was here that we discovered cockroaches could actually fly. In our room, Ger points out that there is a cockroach crawling up the wall, as this was now a regular enough sight we didn't make much of it. Then, BOOM. The littler fucker decides to make way and flies directly towards us. It was like something out of Pearl Harbour, some little squinty kamakaze fella out for the kill. We didn't hang around too long anyway and ran out the door fair lively.
  3. The sheer amount of brazzers and lady boys was too much even for me. Its a place where i know a lot of friends would blow a lot of money on them, not mentioning any names but a certain Mr Macari would enjoy it immensely. How one place can have so many lady boys is beyond me, its rotten.
  4. The height of door frames - whacked my head about 5 times off our bathroom door frame, and i'm hardly a giant. Sort it out. 
  5. Our room didn't have wireless and was on the 5th floor, so it was fairly knackering walking up and down that a couple times a day. Points of advice to Thailand - 1. sort out lifts and 2. learn that technology is a thing of the present, sort out wifi.
  6. Just remembered that there actually was more fucking Algerians here, trying to sell more fucking suits on Koh San Road. Fuck your suits and open up a kebab shop.
Conclusion: Even though we were only in each place for 2 days each..... FUCK HONG KONG and FUCK BANGKOK

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


  1. Those things they call "toilets," - they are not toilets, crouching over a hole in the ground makes them "crouchers." Luckily I found a way to conquer this, disabled toilets have normal toilets. Thank God for disabled people.
  2. Drivers, of all types of vehicles, cars, trains etc. driving for 10foot then jamming the breaks is not how to drive. This is not good on a 12 hour train journey. 
  3. Women taxi drivers - Enough said.
  4. Hostel Staff robbing our clothes because they "thought we had checked out."
  5. Lesbian Bars not having a sense of humour.
  6. The Great Wall of China somehow being uphill both ways.
  7. Chinese people would want to get the finger out and realise that English is a worldwide language, and learn it or at least put signs etc in English too.
Conclusion - FUCK YOU CHINA